Even with the best intentions life sometimes gets a little bit out of hand; focus is lost, mindfulness goes out the window… and that’s what’s been happening to me lately. At first this change in attitude was almost imperceptible, but very gradually I started noticing how my priorities had changed, and yesterday I suddenly found myself in the middle of a really bad patch, feeling generally miserable about anything and everything, but particularly about me.
I haven’t been looking after myself: not my mind, not my body (and it’s not all down to the semla). It’s like I don’t care about me, about how I feel. It’s as if I have just forgotten about my self, and so gradually I’ve been feeling worse and worse.
Last night it all came to a head, I slouched on the sofa all night, watched a useless film on TV that left me feeling almost brain dead. And afterwards I beat myself up because I’d let another evening pass just like that, in a near vegetative state. I went to bed in a lousy mood, skipped the evening pilates, didn’t even bother to wash my face. Why do I do this to myself when I know how lousy it makes me feel? I know what I need to do to feel better, and yet I feel compelled to do the exact opposite, to make myself feel worse.
And so today I have decided to take a day off work and I’m going to spend it mindfully. I’m going to do yoga/pilates, I’m going to meditate, I’m going for a long walk, I’m going to put on some silly music and dance around the flat, I’m going to write, I’m going to eat simple food and maybe towards the end of the day I’ll meet up with a friend I haven’t seen for quite some time. This Love Thursday is about me, about loving me again…Photo by Ron